Stage Fright

Even before I'm upon stage,

My stage fright starts to get to me.

Butterflies in my stomach, fluttering around.

I feel like I haven't eaten in days.

My knees dissolve into jelly

Wiggling and jerking with a mind of their own.

And as I feverishly mutter my lines to myself,

I hear my cue, or the compere announces my name.

I gulp in air, but the oxygen doesn't seem to reach my brain.

I walk onstage

Into the blindingly bright light

For a minute, I am dazzled.

I can't see anything!

But as soon as my eyes adjust...

I panic.

"Oh My God!" runs through my head.

A sea of faces

All gazing my way,

Expectantly

Like I'm someone important.

My heartbeat accelerates.

I break out in a cold sweat,

My jelly-legs knocking together so hard, I'm surprised they don't notice.

And as the stage fright grips me,

Right in front of that huge audience,

I see a face in the midst of the crowd.

That face!

The boy who tormented me when I was a new girl, back in fourth grade.

The boy who still makes me so angry, I could beat him into a pulp and feel satisfied.

The thought of revenge on him has kept me awake at night.

I hate him, his guts, that stupid smug grin spreading across his face.

"I'll show him!" I think

And with a defiant toss of my head, I begin to speak.

....

Later, after everyone congratulates me on my performance,

I'll think about the motivation that made me speak.

The thing that blew away my stage fright.

Boys are pretty useless,

But after an incident like this,

I have to admit,

They do have their uses....

*wink wink*

Cell Phones- The BANE of my existence (Yes, I'm insane. Read on)

A boy and a girl are sitting in a restaurant. The atmosphere is quite cosy, and the guy is pretty confident. He's just about to make his move when....

'TRRING!'

The sound of the girl's cell phone shatters the air. In this situation, I'm quite sure that I would have cut the phone. But (horrors!) the girl actually pulls it out of her pocket!

This is the cell phone. Actually, at the time of its invention, it was supposed to be a handy device that can help you if you get stuck in an undesirable situation. Soon, it evolved into an outlet for your feelings and a haven for Twitter-maniacs. But now, I see that it's increasingly becoming a source of trouble and, more often, ridicule.

For example, an 11-year old girl got stuck with her friend in a storm drain. Luckily, they happened to have a cell phone with them. Now any sane person, at least I think, would use their cell phone to call 911. Instead, the girl updates her Facebook status, saying,"OMG!! me n frend stuck in storm drain, someone plz send help!!" Not surprisingly, they didn't get help for another 7 hours.

One of the other incidents that will prejudice me forever against cell phone users is that of my 14th birthday party. All of my friends, every last one of them has a cell phone, with either a 3 megapixel camera or super-loud speakers. Now I admit my party was a bit lame, but I most certainly expect my friends to be fun and try to enjoy in whatever was available. Instead, they all whip out their cell phones and start showing each other pics of cute dogs or secret messages from guys. This made me feel a bit left-out, not to mention jealous. It's just one of those incidents that you never forget.

My parents were going to buy me a cell phone for my birthday. Looking at my friends' behavior, they decided not to. It did sting a bit at first, but I must admit that I agree now. Cell phones have changed from a boon to a menace. And I have no intention of transforming myself into one of those girls that I see around me everyday, glued to their phones like they accidently spilled superglue on their hands. One of my friends studied for her exam just cos her phone was confiscated and she wouldn't get it back unless she got good marks. As it is, I have a very bad tendency of getting addicted to various substances, and I don't want to add cell phones to that very long list. So which side are you on?

P.S: I'm sorry about the huge break in my posts, but I've been reeaally busy and I just couldn't think of stuff to blog about. Sorry!

P.P.S: I hope you guys like my blog's new look!

London- One of the best experiences I've had

London is one of the most metropolitan and eclectic places I've been to.

When we went there, the weather was absolutely horrible. It rained a lot, and there was barely any sun. However, two out of three days there was sun, so it was quite okay.

First of all, even though I spent only three days there, I was thoroughly impressed by the Underground aka Tube. It is one of the most efficient and well-maintained local transport systems I have seen in my life. Reminiscent of Mumbai's local, except way cleaner and with much politer people! Although it seems complicated at first, it took us only half an hour to understand it, and we used it throughout our stay. Our hotel was a bare three minute walk from Victoria Station, so we travelled everywhere using the tube. Surprisingly, I think that the Underground is going to be the part I will miss most about London.

Our hotel demonstrated the London space crunch in a not-so-pleasant way. Our hotel room was absolutely minuscule! And they had crammed two double beds, a closet, a chair and a dresser in that much space. Plus, there was no elevator, only stairs. And we had ten bags. Five carry-on and five check-in. So we ended up leaving most of our luggage in the lounge downstairs. Breakfast was served in the basement, and it was very disappointing. Cereal, Milk, juice, tea or coffee and toast served by an extremely hostile waitress. I have no idea what was wrong with that female, but whenever we asked her for another rack of toast, she would glare at us like we were committing a crime. And the most annoying part was that she would only treat us like this. I suppose it was because we're Indians or something. In any case, I found her exceedingly irritating. But our hotel made up for its faults with its prime location.

In our three days, we spent most of our time searching for something unexpected: toilets. My dear brother had to use the bathroom every half an hour. Wherever we went, my mother made it a point to find out where the nearest toilet was, so that we could take him when he needed to go. Luckily, it being London, all the toilets were impeccably clean. Of course, it did put a bit of a damper on things when my dad started to yell at both my mother and my brother. Typical of him. He yelled at my brother for having to use the toilet so much, and he yelled at my mother for supporting "this madness". Not so strangely, I agreed with him completely. My brother was being an incredible spoilsport, and I did want him to get what he deserved. My mother, too, was being a bit biased. Okay, understatement. She was being really, really, really biased. If I was in the same situation, she wouldn't have run half a mile in the rain (she did that for Omkar). Okay, enough cribbing.

Now, about London, like, actual London. It is one of the most beautiful cities I have seen. With lots of greenery, a state-of-the-art transport system, an exciting history and a large amount of random statues on every street corner, it exactly the kind of city that appeals to me. We did so much walking each day that by night all our feet and waists were aching! We walked at least fifteen to twenty km per day. The problem is, cabs are just way too expensive and renting a car wasn't possible since my parents don't have international driving licences.

We spent ages just doing museums! In three days, we saw The British Museum, The Natural History Museum, and The Science Museum. Each museum had a minimum of three floors, all filled with beautiful exhibits. Actually, each museum takes at least a day to view it fully, and we did these three and loads of other stuff in three days! So we didn't get to see all of them properly. However, whatever we saw was very interesting and informative.

In the Natural History Museum, we found out a lot of cool stuff about the earth in general, and we got more than our fill of cute stuffed animals! I guess I've never seen a better stuffed animal collection in my life!

In the British Museum, we saw various historical artifacts from places like Egypt, China, Japan, Greece, Persia, Mexico, Spain, Peru and India. It was fun, if a bit outdated and boring. Actually, I've seen stuff like that too much in my past for it to appeal to me. I did enjoy the exhibit about Egyptian mummification.

The Science Museum is reminiscent of the Tech Museum in the Bay Area. I enjoyed this museum the most. With informative exhibits on various scientific topics, it is a treasure house of information. There is also an area called 'Launchpad', where children can perform experiments on their own.

We saw all of the famous landmarks that put the 'L' in London. Trafalgar Square, Piccadilly Circus, The Tower of London, The London Eye, Big Ben.

The Tower of London is a castle where the monarchs of London used to live before the Buckingham Palace was built. We took an extremely informative and fun tour with an old 'Beefeater' with an above average sense of humour! He kept cracking jokes and making us all laugh. He answered the question that all of us seem to have - Why are they called Beefeaters? Apparently, they don't know either. After a tour of the Tower, we went to see the famous Crown Jewels that were on display. Yes, we did see the Kohinoor Diamond, actually, in front of us. I was completely dazzled by the display, and a bit angry too. What right do they have to such splendor when there are people dying in the streets? Not fair, but I won't elaborate.

The ride on the London Eye was amazing. For those of you who don't know, The London Eye is a huge Ferris Wheel, built smack on the bank of the River Thames, about a five-minute walk from Big Ben. It offers spectacular views of the city. And we got lucky, because the moment we went up, the sun came out. It was beautiful! We took loads of pictures and soaked up the sun.

Trafalgar Square was nothing like I imagined it, but it was still nice. We met a colleague of my father's there. His wife had brought food with her, and can you imagine what we did? We sat in Trafalgar Square and ate veg biryani and mango shira! I had so much fun, and the people all around were looking at us as though we were mad.

Piccadilly Circus was overwhelming. Seeing so many huge billboards and screens made me seem insignificant, even to myself (horrors! can you imagine that?) I wonder, how much do you think renting a billboard would cost there?

However, out of all of these, My ABSOLUTE favorite was the National Gallery. The National Gallery is the British Government's collection of paintings, which is open for public viewing. It has paintings by almost all the influential painters in Europe. We took a guided tour, and the lady described a few paintings and told us their history. It was belittling to look at works by some of the greatest artists in the world. I had seen many of the pieces before, and it was hard to imagine that people like Rembrandt and Van Gogh actually moved brushes over the canvas with their own hands and we are getting to see it now. We spent only one afternoon there, and it so totally wasn't enough! If you told me to spend a week in there, I would do so happily! I truly enjoyed it, and will definitely go back to London if only to see the rest of the paintings in the Gallery!

But the best part? ALL of the museums and the National Gallery were completely free of cost. Absolutely no money for tickets. In some places, even guided tours were free. It seems that since they are tourist attractions, if they charge money, then tourists will stop coming. Plus all of these are government-owned things. Cool, huh?

So, all in all, my London trip was a great success. Lasting regrets are a lot though: I did not see Westminster Abbey, Madame Tussuad's, and could not complete all of the museums and the National Gallery. I also wanted to see a proper London musical, which I could not. So, it seems I'll have to do another trip soon enough!

P.S. London is also added to my list of top favorite cities!

P.P.S. Will add more when I remember.

My sink escapade..

So, I was stuck. Utterly and completely. No way I could get out of this one...

FLASHBACK.....

I was bored. Really bored. One of my dad's colleagues had come over, and they were discussing stuff that I didn't understand. So I entered the kitchen and started looking for something to eat. Of course, the height of a three-year-old is not best suited to wild attempts to reach a packet of biscuits lying just on top of the counter. I needed something new. A fresh way to entertain myself.

Just then, a strange sound started emanating from the sink. I listened. Very carefully. And a very strange expression crossed my face. It looked as though I had found my source.

I went to the dining table, just a few feet away. My father and his friend were chatting away obliviously in the living room. I looked at one of the chairs. And I began pulling...

Two minutes later...

I was standing by the sink, covered in sweat by my valiant efforts to push the chair into place by the sink. I had quite obviously succeeded in my mission. And now came the moment of truth. I stood up on the chair, got a good grip on the edge of the sink and looked in. And lo! in the the sink there was the source of the sound! A vortex of dirty dishwater being sucked into the drain! I looked, transfixed by the downward movement of the water. And absentmindedly, my legs gave a push.....

END OF FLASHBACK

So, what was I going to do? There I was, stuck on the edge of a sink, of all the preposterous places in the world to be stuck. And my father was in the living room with his friend. My arms were hurting from holding on to the sink so long. And I was dead scared of letting go and dropping to the floor. I was so high up!

Making a huge effort, I took a deep breath and called, "'Baapus!" No response. Again then. "Baapus!" No response again. I began to panic. Internally, I began cursing both my father and his friend for not stopping the flow of talk enough to be able to hear the plainative cry of a damsel wearing diapers in distress.

Mustering up all my remaining energy, I yelled,"BAAPUS!!!"

Finally! Oh joy! The sound of conversation from the hall stopped and there were several loud footsteps in the direction of the kitchen. Silence. I blushed. Well anyone in my situation would have. I was stuck on the edge of a freaking sink, for heaven's sake! More silence....

And then laughter. My father completely cracked up. He was practically rolling on the floor laughing. I had nothing to do but to wait in silence for him to shut up. And then he stopped. And ran out of the room. If I had any doubts about his mental situation, they were all confirmed. There I was, dangling on the edge of a sink and he ran out without saving me!

He returned with our camera. He took a few pictures of me on the edge of the stupid sink. And then he let me down.

Nowadays, whenever I see one of those restless, active toddlers, I feel like warning them, " Eat your veggies. Go to school. And stay away from strange noises coming from sinks...."

Farewell Poem

This one was for the Std 10 farewell party. All of it is crap but I thought I'd post it just for the heck of it. Haven't gotten around to thinking of a title.

The time has come for you to leave us all

You have to answer to your destiny's call

We will all miss you, as you already know

We wish for your future endeavours to grow.

Remember, that no matter how old you are

We will never be away from you or too far

You will always have our love and support

And we hope we'll maintain our incredible rapport

You've been leading us all for the past years

And your farewell is making us shed a few tears

We wish you luck for your Board Exams

And hope you'll remember these happy times.

The Great Paraat Search

Note: A paraat is a kind of deep, huge trayish plate thing.

Detective Aaji was on the case. Three days ago, a paraat had mysteriously disappeared from the kitchen. Ever since then the whole household had been suffering from the suspense created by the disappearance. Everyone from the maid to my mother were scared and suspicious.

Strangely enough, Aboli didn't care. Maybe it was something to do with the fact that she left home at 7.00 am and returned at 4.00 pm, which, of course, weren't the best times to bring up the disappearance of a paraat.

For two days aaji searched and searched for that elusive paraat. No place from the smallest corner to the most obvious countertop was left unsearched. Of course, it being aaji doing the searching, there were no visible signs of it. No stone was left unturned, but then each unturned stone was put back in its place.

But then, there came that day of decision. Aaji brought up the topic in the evening, on the dinner table. Aboli was inside, peacefully reading a book. Mom, aaji and aajoba discussed all possible reasons for its disappearance, from the maid taking it, to having accidently left it in the terrace with something in it to dry. But no, nothing.

Then mom casually came into Aboli's room and looked around and lo! there it was! The elusive, beautiful paraat, shining in the fluorescent light of the tubelight. There it was, in a blue cloth bag under Aboli's desk. Next to it was Aboli, calmly and serenely reading a thick green book. Mom laughed hysterically. Aboli looked up, startled from her trance.

After giving Aboli details on just how amazingly blockheaded she was, mom asked Aboli how she wanted to justify taking the paraat to school without permission. To which Aboli gave the calm and cool reply,

" There was an experiment in school and I needed it".

Mom (apopletic with rage) thundered,

" And what bulbs did you light in your wonderful experiment?"

" I didn't do it yet."

One more poem

This one's for Republic Day.

FREEDOM
By Aboli Joshi


India is a land of the people
A place where peace prevails
Where rich men and poor ones alike
Are free of any chains.

Our Constitution decrees that all
Are equal- no matter what.
For men of different caste or colour
No doors may ever be shut.

But most important- we all are free
We may do as we like
With freedom of speech and action
We’ll handle all our plights

But our freedom is being wasted by all
No value for what we get
We act with irresponsibility
And break the laws that are set.

Murderers, thieves and swindlers exist
They abuse our precious freedom.
With sly minds, cunning plans and hate
They curse our leaders to martyrdom.

But all I can say, is that come what may
Responsibility pays.
Using our freedom to do good deeds
Is the requirement of the day.

If we work together and try our best
We can stop this unfair abuse.
Instead of allowing our youth to go waste
Let’s put those bright minds to good use!

Dinnertime at the Joshis

Scene One. Absolutely colossal dining table. Mom sitting in the middle. Aboli next to her. Dad at the head of the table. Grandpa at the other end. Grandmother somewhere in between. Omkar next to Grandma.

Grandma: Ooohh, my back aches. Today I cleaned the house, watered the plants, cooked for you all... (Proceeds to rattle off inventory of domestic work done in the day). And I didn't even get to lie down!

Grandpa (flaring up): Why do you even bother? Why have we hired a maid? To clean the house. You keep going on about how you have to work... (proceeds in an alarming manner, turning red and banging his fist on the table)

Grandmother: See, these are the kind of comments I receive after a long day working. Why I even got married to him I don't know...

(Grandmother and Grandfather argue furiously. Aboli and Dad exchange smirks. Mom looks tired and worried. Omkar, of course, proceeds to laugh his head off.)

Dad: OK, stop it you guys. All you do is argue.

Grandma and Grandpa (in unison): We are NOT arguing! This is our way of talking to each other!

Dad: Yeah right. (smirks again)

Aboli: Dad, I didn't get this Math problem, tell me later.

Grandpa: Yeah yeah, you know what, Ankush, this girl doesn't study at all when you're at office and when you come home she makes a big show of asking you problems... (again gets worked up and yells)

Omkar (suddenly): Ajoba, Tarak Mehta!

Grandpa: Oh! (gets up and all but runs to his room)

Omkar: Aai, I'm done. (gets up to wash his hands)

Mom: No way young man, you are finishing your dinner and then, I will think about letting you watch TV.

Omkar: Aai pleeaassee!!!! I'm full!

Mom: Nope.

Grandma: Aboli get me the milk.

Dad: Aboli, and bring that chutney from the fridge.

Mom: Oh God, I almost forgot! There's yesterday's _______ in the fridge (fill in the blank), heat it up and bring it.

Omkar: Aaji, toooop!

Grandma: Aboli, bring me the ghee.

Dad: Aboli!

Mom: Aboli!

Grandma: Aboli!

Omkar: DIDI!!!!

(Aboli proceeds to throw a spectacular fit replete with stamping of feet and screaming)

I will NOT do four things at once! Can't you tell me a single thing at a time? I can not DO all of this at once....................

Dad: ABOLI!!! Shut up and bring the chutney or I'll wake you up tomorrow by singing in your ear!

(Aboli promptly shuts up and gets the stuff)

Grandma: So, Aboli, how many marks did you get in Maths in the Unit Test?

Aboli: Umm, well, umm, it's like, I did better than last time.....

Dad: How much???

Aboli: 35

Dad: Out of?

(Atmosphere is deadly quiet. Even Omkar does not dare to make a sound)

Aboli: 60

(Grandma explodes)

What?

Aboli (sulkily): It's better than last time!

Grandma: Better than last time? What an insult! (to dad) Look at the way she backtalks! No respect at all! I did a better job raising my children! Whenever they didn't study, I'd spank them hard enough to make them cry. Then they'd listen...

Dad (impatiently): Yes, I know! (to Aboli) So, what are we going to do? (glares at her for a few minutes) Huh? (glares again. Aboli starts crying.) Do you want me to send you to boarding school? I've seen your papers, and it's clear that all your problems lie in arithmetic. Now, I've told you a million times that the only way to achieve good marks is through practice...

(Starts giving the long-winded lecture that unfortunately covers all topics of conflict in our house. Aboli gets bored. Doorbell rings)

Mom (jumping up): That must be the dhobi.

Aboli (eagerly): I'll see!

Dad: No. You sit here and listen. (To mom) You go see...

(She leaves. Grandma starts cleaning up. Dad is still boring Aboli.)
Dad: Now I want you to go inside and start practising your Maths portion. Go!

Aboli: Ummm... Dad?

Dad: Yes?

Aboli: Umm, see, I...

Dad (giving a suspicious look): What?

Aboli: Umm, I forgot to tell you my class test marks...

Dad (glaring): And they are?

Aboli: Umm...

Dad: Spit it out!

Aboli: 23.

(Deadly silence)

Dad (quietly): Out of?

Aboli: 40

(Silence is deafening. Aboli starts edging towards room)

Grandma (suddenly): WHAT???

CURTAIN